I’m not dead

Ok so i aint posted for a while but i have 6 pages and 3,500 words ready to be published as soon as i get them posted back to me from Manchester. Until then i’m off on holiday to Cornwall so wont be posting again for a week.
Muchos account of Manchester to go here
Update: Now online. Have fun
Blog:
This particular Blog entry was written in many parts between the times I arrived in Manchester on the Tuesday to the following Friday when I left. As a result it’s massive (4,054 words at last count), and may often read weird due to the fact it changes from being first person to the third person seemingly from paragraph to paragraph. This is because I’m no writer and can’t be bothered to make it a work of art. Primarily though it’s because I wrote a section then wrote another a few days or maybe hours later. Also I’m lazy and I was meant to be revising all the time. Still I think I can let myself have a bit of time to myself once a day or I’d go insane. Anyway enough of an intro and lets get on with the ramblings of a bored, (and it has to be said), a stressed Uni student preparing for his Maths retake:
So there I was. In a house with absolutely nothing to do. Not that this really bothered me but I’d be lying if I said I was looking forward to few days of just me, a book about maths and an iriver playing through crappy speakers. It wasn’t always like that though and I guess that’s why I’m still alive and not on the Manchester evening news.
It all started on the Tuesday at about 1pm. I got a phone call from Lyd saying hi I think, and basically it was decided she wanted to come up and see the house while she had a few days off work. That sorted I phoned Pete who was at a mates LAN party and told him we had an extra passenger on the trip to Manchester. Not that he cared  . Anyway Pete arrived bang on 10pm as he said he would, although it has to be said he spent 40 minutes getting from the Vale pub to my house which takes an average person 2 minutes by car and 15 by bike (seeing as there’s a nasty hill in the way). After a swift meal of curry and throwing my meagre possessions in the car, we were just on the way out and my parents arrived back from their trip to Spain. After we chatted for a bit and my dad had fallen to the floor after he realised we had done the washing, (and I got my new T-shirt as present from my mum), we departed for the A50 and Manchester. After 3minutes Lyd was asleep and dead to the world with me and Pete chatting most of the way to Manchester, stopping only for a caffeine/coffee break with a chocolate twirl thing at the motorway services. We arrived at the house at about 1am and after unpacking everything (I.e. throwing it on the floor); I got to sleep at about 2am.
Getting up occurred at about Midday, although I lay in bed keeping warm from about half 9, when the sun also decided to grace Manchester for once. The shower was an interesting experience, or at least it was for Lyd as I “accidentally” forgot to turn the hot water on. Suffice to say she got hypothermia and I got a nice warm shower after I realised how it worked and turned it on. Spent the rest of the day getting supplies for the house. Mainly stuff from ASDA and other assorted places but not too much as I’m skint. Then we went out for a meal on the curry mile. I would like to thank Lydia at this point for paying not only for everything I did this day but also the presents she got me which I was very much appreciative of. It has to be said that a night out is made all the more special by a special women and not to mention free beer. Thanks babe  Anyway after a pretty heavy night, although I didn’t drink that much it has to be said I ended up asleep at about half midnight.
This night was, initially at least, awfully hot, (strange in Manchester), and I nearly cooked alive in my bed so when Lyd asked for my duvet to sleep on the floor I had no reservations about sleeping minus a duvet. This changed at about 4am when I woke up shivering and a quick mumble at Lyd ensured my warmth back along with the duvet. The following morning I woke up nice and early at about 10am and had a nice shower then bid farewell to Lyd who had to get back to Nottingham to go to work on the Friday. Bless :p Thursday was also the day that Richard (or Rich to me), arrived up from Southampton to meet his brother (Pete), and have a few days in Manchester. Anyway the next few days are a bit of a blur as all I seemed to do is wake up, work, cook soup, work, cook dinner then sleep. Repeat. I did however have time to squeeze in some lessons of poker with Pete and Rich so that the nights passed a bit faster. Being total n00bs to poker I beat them every time but I did have to phone up Admag on the Thursday to ask if a flush beat a straight or vice-versa. It does have to be said though that if it wasn’t for a few lucky hands Pete would have had me a few times.
Saturday was a bit different from the routine though, as I got a phone call from Nick who is up in Manchester for his maths re-sits and he wanted to know if I was up here too. Seeing as I was Pete, Rich, Me and Nick went bowling at the Trafford Centre which was a good relax and a laugh. Just as a side note I would like to brag here how I won both games with scores of about 128 and a 141. Not my best I think but I really enjoyed it. Was especially funny at the start of the second game, when Pete and I got exactly the same scores in the first 4 balls. He would get a strike so I would, then he’d get a spare and so would I, then he’d get a 9 and I’d get it with the same pin left standing. I love it when weird things like that happen.
Anyway Saturday was also the day that Pete split with Nikki so his mood was less than happy. Still my humble opinion is that he could do a lot better especially seeing as she had soooo many things going against her. That night was spent with yet more poker as me, Rich and Nick, (Pete had gone to drown his sorrows in Absinth in the centre of Manchester), had a couple of games where I lost my winning streak to a nice play by Rich and then scraped the second game to get back on winning form. Not that this winning form will continue when I get back to playing the guys in Notts. Nick decided to stay round for the night so I lent him my sleeping bag. Muchos respect to Nick for staying even though he probably hadn’t had enough to be over the drink limit on the short drive back to his.
Anyway I woke up on the Sunday morning and got back into the eat/work routine and gave my brother a phone to ask how an errand had gone I asked him to do as a matter of urgency on Friday. The answer made me wish I was back in Nottingham to hit the little bastard. Basically I have a disk of notes with the entire past exam papers and lecture notes ready to read. I asked him to stick it on a Memory stick and send it up to me recorded delivery so it would get here hopefully that Saturday or at the latest Monday. It seems though that he has better things to do all of Friday and Saturday and neglected to even get the thing in the post which means I’ll get it Tuesday. A few days after a really need it. He doesn’t often let me down, (disappointments me quite a lot), but he’s never upset me. This left me really angry with him. Hopefully he’ll read this and realise how much it meant to me and apologise instead of trying to blag his way out of accepting responsibility.
Anyway that’s enough for this Blog entry, (well it was at the time – Ed), as I now have a house to myself and am not looking forward to the boredom that is sure to creep into my life in the next few days. I should also be using this time to learn about integration but there’s only so much of that a man can take. Not to mention the fact that I decided to not watch the Chelsea – Arsenal match so I deserve some time to do something other than work. Also I should think your sick of reading and want a break by now. Especially seeing as this entire article is 1,526 words at last count, which is nearly as much as I wrote for most of my GCSE and A level coursework. Hope you enjoyed reading.
So it’s now Monday and I was left by Pete and Rich at about 4pm yesterday and the boredom is creepin’ in (to quote a Norah Jones song). Saturday I was meant to cook chicken curry so I got some fillets out of the freezer, however we went to the Trafford centre bowling instead so I had a sweet and sour chicken there instead. Sunday I was going to make tortillas as the chicken was now totally defrosted sitting in the fridge. By the time I realised I was hungry it was half 8 at night and I couldn’t be bothered to do anything never mind cook. This resulted in me meeting Luigi’s Pizza Takeaway. Yes I know I shouldn’t eat so much shit but I decided to order 2 pizzas and eat the other one for breakfast/lunch the next day. I then went to bed at 8.45pm which is a new record for me.
Forgetting about the chronological order of this Blog for a second, I also had a chat with Lyd on Sunday which was interesting. I kind of told myself I would never use this Blog to talk about how I feel romantically as I think I’ll probably be seen as another sad bastard on the internet, but what the hell. I am. (Serious though if you don’t give a damn about my love life you can skip the next few pages.) Anyway as you know if you’ve not skipped to here, Lyd was up at mine for a few days last week. Me and Lyd have always shared a certain something and no matter how long she seems to go without saying hello I always seem to welcome here back with open and forgiving arms. She’s been an awful friend at times and an even worse girlfriend. On the flip side she’s also been there with me when I really needed a close friend, and has been at the centre of everything that has made my life so much fun the last few years. It’s this sense of both hate and love that makes me wonder what the hell I do feel for her. At the end of the day I decided a while back that unless she phoned me I wouldn’t phone her, however she still phones and I still phone back and meet her. When we do meet its always passionate and never a dull moment and to be honest recently it’s been like I’ve going out with her all over again. She says she loves me and I truly think I love her back, however when I ask her to make the commitment and actually be my girlfriend she refuses. The grounds are always ones of, “oh we can’t”, or “it’ll be too hard”. I don’t get it. I always thought love conquered all and meant nothing was a barrier and all that. Therefore why when she says she loves me, why does she not look through the initial issues and see we have nothing more to lose by going out. Basically I can’t see how she can deny herself being close to me when she repeatedly says she loves me. If she’s lying then she’s in-fact hurting me more than she realises by sticking me to sense of hope. After all I feel some what emptier when she’s not around. Not that I expect her to know that but I guess she does now if she reads this.
Anyway the conversation we had on the Sunday really hit home with my feelings as she basically told me she thought we couldn’t see each other any more. She says that a long time ago she decided to stop listening to what she thought and ask other people their opinions. The resulting outcome often being that I’m labelled a spent boyfriend and something that can’t let go. While it’s true I can’t let go, I don’t feel quite ready to accept defeat on mine and her relationship. Especially when we both still “love” each other, and especially when the people she asks for advice are either biased, don’t know me and more often than not, both. For example the person she quotes as giving the advice for the latest call is a new guy at work. In my opinion this guy falls into the “both” category as he has no idea about me and more than likely fancy’s his chances with Lyd. Still I know what she’s getting at in some ways. Basically we have been seeing each other on and off for the last 2 and a half years and all that time we have been intimate and close. She has been told, (as have I), that holding onto a relationship that effectively ended over a year ago is a bad thing and therefore the fact she still comes to see me is damaging to both mine and her feelings. While the above is true I don’t think we are holding onto a relationship, but merely rebuilding one that fell apart. Basically I want her to stop giving a damn what other people think about what she should do, and also what she thinks she should be doing. Instead I want her to tell me, honestly and truthfully, why we are still so close and why we shouldn’t be embracing that. Knowing Lyd as well as I do, I think she has no reason to cast me aside and not give “us” another chance especially as I get the feeling that I make her feel happier. As far as I’m concerned you should never deny yourself happiness. Still she’s surprised me more than once and I guess that’s why I am still attracted to her so many years down the line. She keeps me up at night and preys on my mind all day. I haven’t eaten properly in 4 days as I just don’t feel hungry. Basically I hope writing this section will allow me to get on with my life with some sense of normality and put the other things first. Hell it probably won’t even make it onto the site. My stomach just rumbled at me so I guess it’s worked in a way, even if all it’s done is allow me to analyze my feelings.
Anyway that’s boring and definitely of no interest to anybody much like the rest of this Blog I suppose. In-fact I’m always intrigued why people find it interesting to read about other peoples lives and relationships. The reason must be commonplace otherwise shows like big brother wouldn’t be as massive as they are. I suppose I would write this Blog even if nobody else read it. At the end of the day it’s a canvas where I’m able to express myself in as much detail (or not) with the ability to edit the comments so they aren’t as painful to understand. Yet again I’m rambling on about nothing. This should be the point where I edit and cut the whole last 2 pages but I think they are going to stay. Fuck how stupid I must look, and just accept that I am a Muppet.
After writing the above bits and pieces I decided to eat the rest of the pizza and get back to the work. Honestly I think maths is so damn boring. Why the hell do I care what the differential of sin (cos (5×2)) is, and why the hell do future employers care? I would think employers want people who are able to articulate themselves and have inter-personal skills more than some geeky ass kid who can do the above without blinking. I would think this Blog shows more levels of employability than working out formulas. Controversial I know but I like living outside the box.
I spoke to the woman who lives next door today and we had a chat for a good 15 minutes which was nice. She never shuts up but she seems like a genuine and honest person. I mean all I asked was when the bin needs to be put out and she managed to let me know everything there is to know about putting your bin out in Manchester. For example she advised cutting up all stuff with your address on as this was often used by the wardens to issue littering tickets should a bag be taken out of your bin to allow somebody else to rid themselves of another of their bags. And there I was thinking I would just take the bin out and people would take it away. I also gave her my mobile number so that she could contact me if the alarm broke or even if I just played my tunes too loud. I’m hoping she’ll never need to call me. Right back to work and the joys of differentiation. After all I never thought I could type 2,989 words about my mundane life, so perhaps maths isn’t as hard as it sounds.
After the success of differentiation and the head start I took today on Integration I’m feeling pretty good about things in general. Spent an hour on the phone yesterday with Lyd and although nothing was resolved I was able to put the whole thing somewhere else so at least I feel a bit better. I also had a call from the Manchester Police today which was interesting. Basically he wanted to ask me about a break-in that had occurred a few nights before but he also mentioned that I should be careful of one of next door neighbours who it seems has a habit of calling the police over the smallest of problems. He recommended that I should basically ignore him and if he has a go then I should just direct him to the police who will “deal” with it. I basically think he meant that the complaints go on the infinitely long to-do list and I shouldn’t worry too much. Hopefully that will be the last time I have to speak to the police around here.
Tonight I plan on going to see Nick’s house and also go out for a quick few beers to take my mind of things and generally have a bit of a relax. So Tuesday over and only a few till Friday, the tension really grows………so why not a trip to the pub to solve it? Sorted! Talking off which I need to go for this small section or I’m going to be late.
So last night turned out to be bigger than I thought it was going to be. Basically I sauntered round to nick’s house at about quarter-past 7 and had a look round his house. It was massive to be honest with all the rooms being either Pete’s size or bigger than mine however I think I still prefer the cosy-ness and more friendly feel that my house has. I think that’s mainly because the rooms (although clean) felt a bit grotty. I can tolerate just mess and clutter, after all my life is a mess most of the time, but I feel a bit stronger over grot. It has to be said though that I only got that impression from the other uninhabited rooms and Nick’s room (which although only had a few things in it) felt a lot better and comfier. Not sure I’d want to pay the extra 7 quid a week just for a bigger room though. Much rather spend it on a faster broadband connection, but I guess that’s just me being sad.
Anyway the tour round the house didn’t take long seeing as everything was empty so we went to the Orange Grove Pub to watch the football and basically chill out. The bar was pretty good and initially when we first walked in we both bought a pint of Fosters which is usually the cheapest and most student friendly lager. In this case it was 1.90. It was only after we sat down and thought about the large banner outside that exclaimed “any drink under 2 quid” we guessed the Stella was probably only a little bit more expensive. That meant the rest of the night was spent on pints of Stella at 1.99 a pop. The football was ok I guess with Liverpool playing some team from Russia I think and it was funny to see Liverpool shocked by brilliant set piece that gave the away team the lead but it was a bit of a boring performance apart from that as Liverpool went through 3-2 on aggregate. The amusing thing though was that their was a small TV, and a big screen one, and the small one was about 3 seconds of coverage in front of the large one and the commentary. Was really, weird shouting foul then 3 seconds later the whistle being blown for the decision. I think everybody else in the pub thought we were mad. Still the night ended well with me pretty wasted and Nick deciding that rather than me get robbed or pass out on the way back to mine, he would come back to mine and borrow a sleeping bag. So there was my night really. I got wasted and stumbled home and passed out. Pretty average really. Was weird waking up and their being nobody in the house as Nick had got up early and drove home so I was left wondering if I’d dreamed it all, but then decided I hadn’t since my head was killing me. Nothing a shower and a coffee couldn’t handle though. Still I hate hangovers. The rest of today will be spent learning everything there is to know about integration, and hopefully starting vectors. I’ve also got to clean the house up a bit I think, as Mel’s coming up tomorrow and the house is a bit of a state. Till tomorrow. Sam out
All was going so well. Something had to snap. Yes, something snapped. Not my temper or even my will to live but something much more important. Yes ladies and gentleman the “livestrong” bracelet I have worn for nearly 9 months solid has snapped. This bracelet has been on my left or right wrist for every minute of the last 9 months including while I sleep, while I go clubbing and even while I shower. A sad day has passed and as such I have declared a state of mourning in the house. I have lowered the bass and volume and even lowered the flag as a sign of respect. Hopefully a ménage of pictures will be added later detailing its great life showing just where it has been the last 9 months. The ménage can be seen here . A detailed post-mortem has been carried out and the cause of death was a small incision of roughly 1mm, hidden right in amongst the lower part of the “I”, where an excess amount of blunt force trauma/stress caused the full fracture the length of the letter and led to the subsequent integrity failure and eventual breakdown of the whole bracelet. Early reports suggest excess beer may have led to the band being pulled too much. Police are investigating.
Honestly though, I was well gutted that bracelet broke. Will have to buy a new one I guess. Today I covered all of integration and started on vectors which seems pretty easy and intuitive. Nothing they can try and try and trick me on I think, unlike integration or differentiation where they have loads of different things they can ask. I also managed to slice my finger open while doing the washing up without noticing so had to do the whole damn lot again to make sure it was clean. I also forgot to mention that I read a book to try and get myself to sleep a bit faster and I think it was called digital fortress or something by the author of the Da Vinci code which was meant to be wicked. Although it was a brilliant read I was well disappointed when the final code was so easy to break. Basically they used the fact that the different Atom bombs dropped on Japan were slightly different in their construction. I think I must have seen too many programs about the nuclear bombs but I knew the answer straight away and the book drained it for about 8 pages. Was even more annoying that the people in the book are meant to be super clever with IQ’s of 170etc and to be honest if I know a mundane fact like that then I would guess a room full of 200+ geniuses would have it in a split second. Not take them 25 minutes. Still I guess its meant to be a story.
I have also tidied the house today so it doesn’t look so bad when Mel arrives tomorrow at about 2pm I think. Hopefully we will be able to bounce some questions off each other and gain some extra knowledge the notes don’t teach. Also I think I’m going to write a note to the head of the maths course and ask him why none of the past papers have easy to access answers. Its impossible to learn from a paper that doesn’t tell you if your write or wrong. And so to bed, and the end of another Wednesday.
Sam Out

Posted by Sam Posted in: General No Comments » August 2005

Going Going ……. Gone

Last post for a few weeks as i shall be without the interweb when i am up in Manchester. I leave the cat in charge and shall blame him if the PHP version isnt updated when i get back. Anyway heres hoping the spell in Manchester will allow me to concentrate harder and really get to grips with this damn work. Fingers crossed.
If i dont see my parents today then it will be about a month since i saw them which is amazing really and if i dont go to meet them in Cornwall then it will be nearly 7 weeks i havent seen them. Shame really as i thought i might get to see more of them while i was home. Think i might have to make an effort to get to Cornwall.
Sam Out

Posted by Sam Posted in: General No Comments » August 2005

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